


Human Feelings

by KtheG



Series: What are Feelings? [1]
Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: F/F, Lilshotgun, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:07:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25675579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KtheG/pseuds/KtheG
Summary: Lilith comes to a realization thanks to Mary.
Relationships: Sister Lilith/Shotgun Mary (Warrior Nun)
Series: What are Feelings? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1870942
Comments: 10
Kudos: 49





	Human Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> This comes from the discord server, hopefully they can all appreciate this.  
> This is also my first shared work in a really long time that's not academic. And feelings got involved.

“Admit it,” Mary grunted out as she dodged one of Lilith’s fast moving punches, “you want me.” 

Lilith came to an abrupt stop, her mind blanking out and a look of shock and surprise on her face. Yes she wanted Mary, but that’s not something that was ever in the cards for her. She always had one mission. Become the epitome of perfection within mind, body, and soul. She didn’t have time to dwell on what she wanted. At least she didn’t before. But now that she wasn’t the next in line for the halo anymore a tremendous weight was lifted off her back. “Yes... Perhaps I do.”

Unfortunately for Lilith, Mary didn’t register the fact that she had stopped fighting, and as fate would have it, Mary’s fist connected with her face. The hit didn’t really phase Lilith, but Mary was so shocked at actually landing a punch against Half Demon Lilith (and it hurt like a motherfucker) that she let out a small ah! in surprise. Taking a step back, Mary can’t help but watch as Lilith processes their conversation. Emotions of all sort flit across her face so quickly Mary isn’t even sure she’s actually seeing them (but that’s nothing new, Lilith hasn’t expressed emotions for as long as Mary’s known her). 

For Lilith, the realization hit harder than the physical punch to the face that accompanied it. Her whole life had been spent learning but never thinking, doing but never understanding. First it had been in school, where the fear of failure kept her so busy she had no time to pause and think about the petty crushes or relationships other kids her age were having. Then came the fighting, the education in marital arts and weapons that would allow her to easily take down any person who attempted to get close to her. All these actions to please her parents, and for what? A life she didn’t even want in the first place but grew to covet. Hearing her parents disappointment at her shortcomings when Lilith told them that Shannon had been given the Halo and internalizing that feeling of failure so as to never feel it again. Why would a relationship be pursued when heartbreak was just another form of failure? What purpose would having your heart broken serve? 

None. Failure was not an option, and so any form of relationship with other people disintegrated until Lilith had no friends. By relying solely on herself could she avoid failure. And then came Mary. Mary with her stupid face and her stupid emotions and her stupid shotguns. Only the fact that Mary didn’t feel the need for combat training kept Lilith sane. But then Mary saw Shannon (because of course she did. Why would anybody look at a failure of a person?) and Lilith was glad that she hadn’t pursued a friendship, because she could walk around with her heart intact. 

But then Shannon died, the Halo went to a non-believer (another failure) and Lilith died(?) and went to Hell. Only she can’t remember that. And she honestly can’t say if it was Hell. All she knows is that when she came back she had feelings again. How does a person even lose the ability to feel? 

And so here she is, training with Mary because despite what went down at the Vatican, Adriel is still out there, and Lilith needs to learn the extent of her new demon abilities (or whatever the Hell she is). Beatrice had suggested starting with some simple boxing to test strength, but it had quickly morphed into a “let’s all gang up on Lilith” session when Ava got thrown into the mix to discover how two otherworldly beings would fight together. Mary was the last to go, as always, a little hesitant to step into the ring with Lilith. Tensions always ran high when the two of them sparred, and Lilith was (for the first time she can remember) a little afraid of hurting Mary, who was just a human. But Mary reminded Lilith why she deserved her position among the Sister Warriors and the two traded blows for close to fifteen minutes before the trash talking started. Lilith never saw any point to it, as words would never hurt as much as her parents disappointment, but Mary was surprisingly good at it (Ava claims it’s an American thing) and so Lilith tried even harder to not pay attention. But then it got personal, and Lilith had said things about Mary and Shannon that were unjustified and then Mary had come back with verbal jabs about Lilith’s lack of interpersonal relationships and then they ended up here; with Lilith frozen in place after having just admitted to wanting Mary. (In what capacity, Lilith’s brain can’t even begin to determine, but it’s definitely as more than friends.)

The scariest part, Lilith thinks, is that admitting that she wants Mary can’t even be considered a failure. Her parents think she is dead (and she might as well be right?) and so their looks of disappointment can’t reach her. Mary didn’t sound disgusted or put off when she made the comment, and so Lilith can’t be failing at showing emotions or feelings because obviously Mary picked up on it. This is a success. Probably the first in a long, long time. Now the failure lies squarely on the fact that Lilith doesn’t know what to do with this information, this open realization that Lilith does indeed want Mary (will Mary even want her back?). 

“…ith. Lilith? Can you hear me?” Mary’s voice sounds right next to Lilith’s ear and she jumps at the new input. 

“I can hear you.” Lilith grunts as she turns away from Mary, afraid to see the disappointment on her face.

“Then will you look at me?” 

“I can’t.” Lilith’s voice breaks and the tears are starting to sting the back of Lilith’s eyes at Mary’s soft words.

“Why?” Mary doesn’t speak above a whisper but her voice rings throughout the courtyard where they’ve been sparring. She gives Lilith her space, understanding a little about the shock that comes with unwilling admittances. To her surprise, Lilith does turn to face her and even makes eye contact.

“I’ve never let myself… feel before. And then you came along and complicated my entire world. I feel it only appropriate that now that I am no longer… human… that I learn how to emote again.” A small chuckle accompanies the sentence, and Mary laughs loudly; head tilted back, full on belly laughs. The smirk remains on Lilith’s face despite her fear. 

“Well. Now that I know how you feel, could I possibly offer my assistance in helping you learn how to “emote” again?” The air quotes are hardly necessary but Mary throws them in just to keep Lilith smiling. 

“I suppose. But we there are things to finish first. Ava and Beatrice have been gone for much too long for my liking.” 

Mary laughs once more and nods in agreement (the Halo Bearer has been slowly corrupting their precious Beatrice and they are all dreading the day when they come across the pair doing something scarring in a public space) and she takes Lilith’s hand as they head back to the safe house.


End file.
